Every single friend i have ever had, even if it only lasted a week
I miss
Drawing and painting, colors and chalk, the smell of acrylic and oil, my high school studio classroom.
I miss
Highschool, in the way that you saw people every single day, and your classes were more frequent so they became part of your everyday life. These once a week classes are starting to feel unimportant and irrelevant.
I miss
Group interpretation. So much. One thing in high school that kept me going and gave me hope.
I miss
Being inspired, by writers, by poets, by artists, by people. By books and art and films. By school and teachers.
I miss
Living with my twin sister. We would talk everyday and watch movies almost every night. I miss having another half. I have never felt so empty as i have this first year of college. I need to find someone soon to fill this gap. I feel like my guts are going to pour out of my bisected body.
I miss
Having a childish energy. Being unstoppable. Having people who accepted my over confidence, my optimism, and my hyper energy. I miss people who would play along with me, who reflected who i was to give me a clear shot of what my intentions are as a human being or an artist.
I miss
Being young. Where you weren't hated for believing in more than you were. I have never been around so many closed minded people. I thought this was art school, The home of the open mindedness.
I miss
Learning things. I feel like each year i get dumber and dumber. I used to be very intelligent. I feel like when I'm around other people i dumb down, but when I'm in my own head everything just sounds right.
I miss
Having intelligent conversations about film theory. Alanna and i would always dissect stories and critique performances. No one hear likes to be disagreed with. And i hate that everyone hates avatar. Nobody here accepts "fun". They think movies are supposed to be more than just entertainment. Well i like to be able to sit back and be launched into a beautiful world with a compelling story.
I miss
Math class. The sensation of understanding something that seemed so confusing. But getting it and feeling like your mind just ran a mile.
I miss
Spirituality. It is unspeakable here. Everyone is so pessimistic and only believe what they see. Nothing is beyond them. And i also miss Kairos, the only place where the love was mutual.
I miss
Being a leader for Kairos. Im hoping and praying so hard that i will get to be a camp counselor this summer. That is my Dream Job.
I miss
Having somebody to crush on. A goal to advance towards. A light in your eye that gives you a reason to wake up in the morning. Even though i have never achieved such a thing, i have realized i am not so afraid of rejection, i just need to solve the puzzle of how to put myself out there. I just want to love. Love is what gives me life.
I miss
The summer. The sensation of being able to go outside at any hour of the day in any clothes and just living without a worry.
I miss
The safety of the suburbs. The city gives me too many paranoid fears.
I miss
Naturally socializing. Nobody here can talk to you unless they are high or drunk. Someone find me people who are good at being sober and nice.
I miss
Kind hearted people. I don't understand why people think its ok to be totally mean to someone you barely know, even as a joke. I don't get that humor. What happened to respect. I wish i lived in the 50's
I miss
Vacations. I miss our family before we were separated by college or drugs. When we had dinner together every night.
I miss
Being a kid. That is the one thing that i miss the most. Childhood is my dream, and i never wanted to leave it. The air used to taste so sweet. I can recall all of the senses, the taste of ice cream in the summer and the wind of bike riding.
I miss
Hopes Grave and the Lavender Tree. My imagination's landmarks that i thought i would one day be able to show off to a loved boy. But he still hasn't come to rescue me.
I miss
Being inspired by music, but i just don't feel it anymore.
I miss
The things that i never had.
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